Kansas City and Canterbury Declare War on Rival League

The hockey world was shocked earlier today as news broke that Evgeni Nabokov signed a lucrative deal with SKA St. Petersburg of the KHL. Nabokov, who was drafted by the FGHL's Kansas City Archangels 6th overall in the first round of the 2009-2010 draft, was an essential piece in bringing the Archangels their first championship last season. Questions are piling up without answers as confusion runs rampant through the entire FGHL. However, Carl Newton, general manager of the Kansas City Archangels, is not seeking answers. Apparently, he is seeking retribution, as he held a press conference earlier today in which he publically declared war on Russia:

"We, here, at the Kansas City Archangels organization do not take defection lightly. The fleeing of Nabokov does not reflect well upon our team, or the entire league. The KHL's involvement in our affairs was a slap to the face, and it will not go without retaliation. We would like to take this opportunity to declare war upon the KHL and Russia. We will not rest until Nabokov is returned to our team, or until the KHL lies in shambles."

-Carl Newton, General Manager of the Kansas City Archangels

The initial reaction from the public was one of confusion; many believed that the press conference was a joke, or empty threat. However, that confusion quickly turned to fear as the reality of the situation was confirmed, as Jim Chong, general manager of the Canterbury Fighting Badgers declared war on the KHL and Russia as well. We met with Jim Chong shortly after his decision was made public, to find out why he entered the fight:

"Did you know badgers were once used in Europe to predict how long winters would last? Seriously, is there anything a badger can't do? With that being said, we believe that badgers should be able to live among humankind in peace, without fear of being persecuted. The Russians still choose to devour badgers as a form of sustinence. Such a diabolical and atrocious practice cannot continue. As such, we will be entering the war alongside our allies, the Kansas City Archangels. Though our goals are different, I believe the same means can lead to mutual solutions."

-Jim Chong, General Manager of the Canterbury Fighting Badgers

Though many believed initially that both hockey teams would not be able to put a dent in the defenses of an entire nation, we here at FGHL News have uncovered Newton's top secret battle plan, entitled "Operation Fatso", which proves that the war can be won quickly and brutally if the Russians do not prepare immediately. Apparently, Newton has discovered that if Kansas City goalie, Martin Brodeur, is dropped from a height exceeding five feet, the shockwave will be large enough to decimate an entire city. If that height is only doubled, there is no telling how much damage can be done. Jim Chong is seeking out free agent Kyle Wellwood for similar reasons.

When asked about his primary rival's actions, Shaun Sproule, general manager of the Hanmer Velocity had this to say:

"We do not approve of Newton's actions. At the same time, however, we do not approve of Nabokov's decision to the flee the FGHL. The KHL's decision to give Nabokov that out was dirty and underhanded. However, we do not believe violence and the loss of lives is the proper way to solve this problem. We will not become involved in this mess; we will remain neutral."

-Shaun Sproule, General Manager of the Hanmer Velocity

When asked about the Russian situation, Julien Bergeron, general manager of the Missanabie Bears, had this to say:

"I don't like Russian anything; I prefer to take my time and think things over, no matter what the situation."

-Julien Bergeron, General Manager of the Missanabie Bears

Having received input from two of the league's general managers, we decided to contact one of the players rumoured to have connections with the KHL: Ilya Kovalchuk. We asked Kovalchuk how he felt about the oncoming war; he responded with being overrated and overexposed. We later received a bill for ten million dollars for the interview.

Nonetheless, the situation within the FGHL has taken a turn for the worse. How will Kansas City and Canterbury manage successful hockey teams while at war with KHL? What will Newton do to fill the void left by Nabokov? Will Canterbury suffer a food shortage should they sign Kyle Wellwood? Only time will tell! Stay tuned!

Final Standings (2009-2010 Season):

Team	Points
Kansas City Archangels	1148
Hanmer Velocity	1144
Hamilton Tigers	1108
Missanabie Bears	1089
Springfield Hell's Satans	992
Zaza Dancers	798

Jim Chong named GM of the Canterbury Fighting Badgers

The FGHL announced today that it has come to an agreement with Jim Chong; it is official, he has been named the General Manager of the first FGHL expansion team. Expansion has been a longterm goal of the FGHL since last season. With the introduction of the FGHL Expansion Plan, the league has been seeking two qualified people to take up the roles of General Manager for two new expansion teams, which will bring the total number of teams within the FGHL to 8. An expansion draft is scheduled on August 1st, which will give both General Managers a chance to build their teams.

The nature of the agreement was such that Jim Chong was able to choose the location and name of the franchise, and we've received word that he has done so. He has chosen the region of Canterbury in New Zealand as the location of the expansion franchise. New Zealand is not a hot spot for fast paced North American sports, but Chong insists that with cricket as its main competitor, hockey should win out. As for the name, Chong has chosen to dub his new franchise the 'Canterbury Fighting Badgers'. With more, we go to a press conference with Chong:

Chong: Hello everyone. I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, so let's just get right down to business so we can get as many out of the way as fast as possible, as I have a draft to prepare for.

Media: First off, congratulations on your successful acquisition of the 7th FGHL franchise in league history. Secondly, we're all aware that you've chosen to name your team the Fighting Badgers. What was your motivation behind choosing this name?

Chong: Good question. We've decided to go with the Fighting Badgers due to the nature of the badger itself. The badger has developed a reputation of being ferocious and generally mean. This, I felt, fit the image that we will try to be building with our team here in Canterbury.

Media: We're well aware that the expansion draft will start in approximately one month. With big name players available in the draft such as Jason Spezza, Mike Richards, and Chris Pronger. Can you give us any sugge...

Chong: Not only that. Badgers are also known for sticking together. They have been known for forming clans, with some of those clans reaching a size of approximately fifteen badgers. Fifteen badgers is extremely frightening, especially when considering that they've been known for fighting off large predators such as wolves and bears. Our team will be tight like that.

Media: Err... I see. Anyways. Rumours have been circulating that you've already been on the phone with several General Managers around the league, trying to make deals. The most prominent rumour is that you've contacted Carl Newton, general manager of the champion Kansas City Archangels, to inquire about the services of goal scoring champion Steven Stamkos. Is there any truth to th...

Chong: We here at the Canterbury Fighting Badgers know that sporting events should be intense, but also entertaining. Badgers know how to have a good time. Did you know that badgers have been known to become intoxicated with alcohol after eating rotten fruit? We understand fully that alcohol is an important part of any live sporting event. As such, we will be selling rotten fruit at our games for our fans to enjoy, at a price just above the average FGHL beer price.

Media: ...

Chong: You know what else is pretty cool? In the 1973 version of Robin Hood, produced by Walt Disney, Friar Tuck was actually a badger! That just proves that badgers are the right way to go, since Friar Tuck was the most badass Robin Hood character. We'll also be asking all of our players to shave just the top of their heads bald, to honour the memory of the jovial friar.

Media: Friar Tuck wasn't real.

Chong: Did you know some jerks still hunt and eat badgers? In most places, badger was abandonned as a food long ago in recognition of its awesomeness. However, in Russia, badger is still eaten regularly. Some do pay the price for their sins, as badger meat is known to be a source of trichinellosis, a parasitic disease. Still though, I digress: our franchise will never draft, sign, or trade for a badger-eating Russian. Never, ever. Ever.

Media: Okay, seriously...

Chong: Badgers are a serious issue, not to be taken lightly. They strike fear into the hearts of humankind. Did you know in 2007, concerns regarding the British military were raised, as suggestions that they released man-eating badgers into Iraq to kill terrorists were brought up? Of course, this was eventually proven false, but the fact still remains: Badgers are fricken scary as hell.

Media: Alright, that's enough, we're out of here.

Chong: If I could be any animal, I'd be a dragon or a unicorn. But if I had to be a real animal, I'd definitely fall back on the badger as the safe and reliable alternative.

Media: What the hell?

Chong: Badger.

With the press conference finally coming to a close, it goes without saying that the new general manager in the FGHL will surely bring something interesting to the table this coming season. With the expansion draft rapidly approaching, questions such as 'Who will pick first?' and 'Who will be picked first?' will surely be answered. Stay tuned!

Final Standings (2009-2010 Season):

Team	Points
Kansas City Archangels	1148
Hanmer Velocity	1144
Hamilton Tigers	1108
Missanabie Bears	1089
Springfield Hell's Satans	992
Zaza Dancers	798