Kansas City sends Kovalchuk to Zaza for 1st Overall Pick

After witnessing the first trade of the offseason between Missanabie and Hanmer, which resulted in the swapping of superstars Zach Parise and Duncan Keith, we all knew that this offseason was going to be something special. Now, we're here to report that a second trade has been announced involving last year's first place and last place teams, the Kansas City Archangels and the Zaza Dancers. Our reports state that Carl Newton, general manager of the champion Kansas City Archangels, and Alan McFadden, general manager of the last place Zaza Dancers, spent several hours negotiating to make this trade happen. The details:

To Zaza:
-Ilya Kovalchuk
-Maxim Afinogenov
-Alexei Ponikarovsky OR Dustin Brown*
-2010 KAN 2nd Round Draft Pick
* = Either Ponikarovsky will remain in Kansas City, or will be traded to Missanabie for Dustin Brown; whoever is in Kansas on August 1st will be automatically traded to Zaza.

To Kansas City:
-2010 ZAZ 1st Round Draft Pick

And there it is, for the first time ever, draft picks have been exchanged in the FGHL. At the cost of three excellent scorers, including a massive name such as Kovalchuk's, one can be sure that Newton has big plans for the first overall pick in the 2010 FGHL Draft. We managed to sneak past the hounds in Carl's mansion on his private island to ask him of his intentions:

"You ask of my intentions? Let me tell you of my intentions! I intend to collect all of the first overall draft picks in the world! When I do, the entire sports universe will bow before the might of my army of picks! Yes, that's it. Let it all settle in. Come to terms with the fact that you're too late to stop me. The plan is already in motion! Alan McFadden has sealed the fate of the FGHL and the petty lives sheltered beneath its umbrella of alleged security! I won't be stopped! Now, get the hell off of my island, before I make you the first victim of the new regime!"

-Carl Newton, General Manager of the Kansas City Archangels

After receiving the extremely confusing and chilling quote from Newton, we contacted McFadden. Though slightly concerned about Newton's mental health, we chose to ask McFadden of the far more important issue of Kovalchuk considering offers from the rival KHL. He had this to say:

"We have no worries of Ilya Kovalchuk defecting to the KHL; he'll remain with us. It is general knowledge that the KHL only attracts a certain quality of player. Those players are prominently Russian, offensively gifted while severely lacking in any form of defensive skill, afraid to engage in physical confrontation, suffering from a need to be the center of attention, lacking in success in any playoff format, and would much rather be overpaid and overrated instead of winning. You see, we don't have anything to worry abo... oh crap."

-Alan McFadden, General Manager of the Zaza Dancers

There you have it! With the champions moving from 6th to 1st overall, one can be sure that the 2010 FGHL Draft will be an interesting one. However, there are many questions that remain unanswered. For instance, who is the general manager of the second expansion team? Who will pick first in the expansion draft? Who will be selected first overall? Stay tuned, as we answer these questions and more on FGHL News.

Final Standings (2009-2010 Season):

Team	Points
Kansas City Archangels	1148
Hanmer Velocity	1144
Hamilton Tigers	1108
Missanabie Bears	1089
Springfield Hell's Satans	992
Zaza Dancers	798

Hanmer trades Keith and Stajan to Missanabie for Parise

The first trade of the Flare Group Hockey League's first off season was made today, with the Hanmer Velocity sending Duncan Keith and Matt Stajan to the Missanabie Bears in exchange for Zach Parise. Both teams shipped off significant players in the deal.

Hanmer's general manager, Shaun Sproule, selected Duncan Keith 71st overall in the 11th round of the 2009-2010 FGHL Draft. Keith would place second in scoring among defensemen, and would play a massive role in Hanmer's success. Hanmer would finish second place overall, missing the win by a mere five points in a league that saw a total of 6279 points scored. Sproule expressed significant regret in having to deal the solid defenseman, but presented valid reasoning:

"Duncan Keith played an enormous part in Hanmer's success last season. However, due to the FGHL's cap regulations, Keith's new contract, that will see him make a massive $8,000,000.00 next season, will be far too much to handle. We had no choice but to move him. We wish him the best with the Missanabie Bears, and he will be missed."

-Shaun Sproule, General Manager of the Hanmer Velocity

When asked about his inclusion of Matt Stajan in the deal, Sproule had this to say:

"Who? Oh. Him. Yeah, I guess we'll miss him too."

-Shaun Sproule, General Manager of the Hanmer Velocity

That brings us to the other side of the deal. The Missanabie Bears, who finished 4th place after a mid-season collapse, sent off their second best scorer, Zach Parise, to Hanmer in exchange for the above-mentioned Keith and Stajan. Julien Bergeron, the team's general manager, chose Parise 4th overall in the 1st round round of the 2009-2010 FGHL Draft. Throughout the season, Bergeron was one of the most active general managers on the trade market, but Parise was the one player that he would never part with under any circumstance; that has changed. With his reasoning, we bring you Julien Bergeron, in an exclusive interview:

FGN: Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, Julien.

Bergeron: The pleasure is all mine.

FGN: We have to say, we were relatively surprised to hear that you had agreed to this trade.

Bergeron: Ha ha. Why's that?

FGN: We were there months ago when Devyn Gagnon, general manager of the Hamilton Tigers, inquired about Zach Parise's services. You threw your empty KFC bucket at him and set his car on fire, then ran down Highway 651 in your underwear screaming obscenities.

Bergeron: That wasn't about Parise. He ate my last chicken leg.

FGN: I... see.

Bergeron: The fact of the matter is, after our collapse that saw us drop from first to fourth in what seemed to be a blink of an eye, every player on our roster is now expendable, for a price.

FGN: From what we've been told, it was Sproule that came to you with this deal. What were your reasons for accepting?

Bergeron: Simply put, we had the best defense in the FGHL last season. While Zach Parise was the first player ever on our roster, we couldn't pass up adding Duncan Keith to an already solid core that includes Drew Doughty. Matt Stajan was simply a bonus.

FGN: You definitely now have one of the most intimidating defenses in the FGHL. However, your fans have been sending us emails recently; they wish to know how you're now going to tackle the salary issues you will be facing.

Bergeron: Excuse me? The cap is being raised to $59,400,000.00 next season. We'll be fine.

FGN: Well, you were only a few hundred thousand away from the cap when it was at $56,800,000.00. You traded away Parise, who will make $5,000,000.00 next year, for Keith at $8,000,000.00 and Stajan at $4,500,000.00. Essentially, you've come out of this trade with an extra $7,500,000.00 in lost cap space, which will put you over unless you cut some players by the beginning of the season in October.

Bergeron: Don't be silly, you can't believe everything you read. Where are you getting these numbers?

FGN: Um... Here, in the fax you sent us. See? It says Keith 8M and Stajan 4.5M?

Bergeron: Wait... what? THE M STANDS FOR MILLION?!

FGN: Er... what did you think it meant?

Bergeron: The Roman numeral! A thousand!!

FGN: You didn't think anything was suspicious? Parise was listed on the same document at 5M.

Bergeron: How the hell am I supposed to know what I'm paying Parise?! That's not my job! I'm just the general manager!

FGN: Do you need a minute to sort these thi...

*crash*

We at Flare Group News are truly sorry. We are unable to bring you the rest of the interview, as general manager Julien Bergeron assaulted our interviewer with half a bag of Lays potato chips, then set his own desk on fire while shouting on obscenities. We have received reports of sasquatch attacking vehicles on Highway 651; we are unsure if the two stories are related. We will, however, keep you up to date.

With all this being said, it's clear that the FGHL offseason will be a big one. With the trading period now open, we'll be sure to see many teams making moves as they battle with the cap and prepare for the 2010-2011 FGHL Draft. In addition to this, this offseason will see the first instances of expansion in the league, and the first ever FGHL Expansion Draft. Things are sure to heat up. Stay tuned!

Final Standings (2009-2010 Season):

Team	Points
Kansas City Archangels	1148
Hanmer Velocity	1144
Hamilton Tigers	1108
Missanabie Bears	1089
Springfield Hell's Satans	992
Zaza Dancers	798

Blockbuster Moves!

The Missanabie Bears' General Manager, Julien Bergeron, was on the phone most of the night last night as he made two massive deals that will, in his opinion, make his team more competitive. Here are the details:

Trade #1:
To Missanabie:
-Cam Ward
-SPR DEC Free Agent Trade

To Springfield:
-Roberto Luongo
-Conditional Free Agent Trade: If Luongo produces 35 points or more between November 8th and January 1st, Springfield receives Missanabie's February Pick. If Luongo produces less than 35 points, Springfield receives Missanabie's January Pick

Some have questioned Julien Bergeron's sanity after this trade was made. It was fairly obvious that during last night's game, Cam Ward was injured with a massive cut to his upper leg. However, Bergeron gambled on the severity of that injury. It did not pay off. Earlier today, it was announced that Ward would miss weeks of actions, and probably would not be back until at least mid December.

That is not discouraging the General Manager though. This trade was orchestrated by the General Manager of the Kansas City Archangels, Carl Newton, who proposed his own trade with Bergeron. In order for the trade to work out, Bergeron had to free some cap space, so opted to ship out Luongo in order to do so, with Newton's help. The General Manager of the Springfield Hell's Satans, Brian Pittman, could not be happier.

Trade #2:
To Missanabie:
-Jordan Staal

To Kansas City:
-David Backes
-MIS DEC Free Agent Trade

This trade benefited both teams. Bergeron, who has been less than satisfied with Luongo's performance and recent injury had been planning on trading out his contract to Free Agency come this December. However, he also has been wishing to eliminate Backes from his team as well, who has been struggling severely. These series of trades not only eliminated Backes from Bergeron's roster, but it also gives Bergeron Springfield's December Free Agent trade to utilize to eliminate Ward for a worthwhile goalie.

Meanwhile, Pittman is slowly building a team that can sustain itself while Ovechkin struggles to heal from his injury. With his signing of Patrick Marleau on November 1st, and now his acquisition of Roberto Luongo, things are looking up for Pittman, who came out to a rough start throughout October.

However, Newton's motives are questionable. General Manager of the Hamilton Tigers, Devyn Gagnon, accused Newton openly of tampering and taking advantage of General Managers that are desperate to make trades for the sake of trading. He pointed out that while Pittman and Bergeron received some decent players through the trades, Newton is still collecting December Free Agent trades, which now total up to three. He feels as if Bergeron sold his first place spot to Newton, and guaranteed him the season win. However, since nobody cares about the Tigers, nobody listened to Gagnon's complaints, causing him to become enraged enough to break Jason Williams', a forward with the Zaza Dancers, leg, putting him out for months.

Authorities were contacted in response to the attack. However, it appears that Pittman has hired the Zaza police department to play for his team while he continues to seek out actual players, meaning that Gagnon is likely to go without legal punishment. General Manager of the Zaza Dancers, Alan McFadden, demanded compensation of some sort from Gagnon. This resulted in Gagnon attacking Zaza Defenseman, John Michael Liles, severely injuring his shoulder. When asked for comment about the attack, McFadden had this to say:

"Shutting up now."

-Alan McFadden, General Manager of the Zaza Dancers

Current Standings:

Team	Points
Kansas City Archangels	237
Missanabie Bears	230
Hamilton Tigers	203
Hanmer Velocity	201
Springfield Hell's Satans	190
Zaza Dancers	170